this ain't no movie

in and out of love

msp340 — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:48:18 +0000

i tend to get myself into the my serious of relationships within the span of a few hours. looks are exchanged, eyes widen. flirting begins, a shove when a joke is made. the lines have been crossed now and physical contact has been made. and often times hands brush up against each other, fingers are touching. it isn’t that i am holding his hand but more like studying each finger on his hand. i don’t know why this is something that i do. it seems more intimate i guess but it isn’t something that i necessary do consciously like when i try to seem cool or something that tends to backfire. but back to the story. this is how things usual go for me when courting someone new. but this time it was different.

msp340 — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:25:01 +0000

here is the thing. i am not a negative person. in fact someone once told me that my happiness is contagious. and maybe i just turn to this blog in a time of need but i simply can’t help it. this is my venting place and since no one is reading this, i feel pretty comfortable doing so.

there are just a few things that are piling up right now that are making me on edge. my frustrations at work are probably the root of feeling this way. coworkers, bosses, even my own friends on the job seem to do things that just break me ever so slightly. i am thinking of taking a day off to pull back and see if that makes a difference. i am not convinced it will but with 17 vacation days on my plate, taking one isn’t the worst thing in the world.

i think that i am also not doing great job watching what i eat is what is bothering me. i know that what i am putting in my mouth isn’t the best idea but i seem to do it anyway. its like i am proving to someone that i can do that and still look the way that i do. the problem is that i don’t look that great and these are starting to catch up with me.

a redeeming aspect of the day is when i let people know that i am not having a great day, people are coming to my rescue. i am getting a boost here and there and i know that they mean it. but none of them are here to give me the actual hug that i am so craving nor are they going to turn around and say, hey, i have a great guy for you. which is the final piece to my misery pie.

ok, chalk it up, move it foward, push through.

the boredom has set in.

msp340 — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:08:56 +0000

1. i had kinda quit this a long time ago.

2. i am officially bored but want my coworkers to hear the clicking of my key board so i need to be writing something.

3. i do love to write and want to get into the rhythm of it.

4. i am sick of all the blogs that i read. i guess sick isn’t the right word but just not in the mood. i think that they remind me that i should be working and am just procrastinating . i have looked at everyones facebook page. i have looked at their pictures. i have looked at my friends friends pictures.

on a side note, the other day i was on the subway and recognized someone. i finally placed them as a friends sister. i had never met her and this person is hardly a friend but i have looked at enough of their pictures to know who they were. enough.

passion

msp340 — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:04:27 +0000

for the past two nights, i have come home after long days, long dinners, cold weather and little heat to watch tv.

both nights i watch shows that really showcased peoples passions. one was art and the other was food. this morning on my subway ride, i couldn’t help but feel somewhat introverted. do i have a passion? can a passion be a less than desireable trait?

i would like to think that i am ok with the below statement that i wrote:

i am starting to come to the conclusion that these things have to develop, that i haven’t found mine yet and maybe i never will. but what about just enjoying things around you. i love that. i am passionate about that. and maybe for me, thats enough.

but i am not sure. cause i want to get up every morning and feel less like I am going through the motions and more like this is something worth getting up for, you know?

lets go to a strangers house

msp340 — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:01:05 +0000

this weekend, i went to a strangers house. it was 3 in the morning and we had all met at a bar. sunday night. playing games after cheering for baseballs teams. three in morning with playing cards on your head guessing your number based on answers to questions you have been asking.

can you tell that i am feeling very literary. i think thats the right word.

last night went to a salty but delish dinner. why is it that people refer to the girlfriend as “my girlfriend” even when I know her name. I know that she is your girlfriend, call her by her name. weird.

My bedroom was freezing and messy this morning. A combination that makes me want to pull the covers over my head, keep the radio playing and drift in and out of sleep all day. a girl can dream.

monday monday monday

msp340 — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:21:09 +0000

i wanted the first two episodes of mad men last night on dvd. maybe it has been totally over hyped but i just sorta felt like the whole time I was waiting for something to happen. yes, don draper is charming and good looking but it just seemed a little slow. i am not giving up, that isn’t my style but i am just somewhere in the middle about it.

i totally behaved myself this weekend. i left the party early, i exercised. i am trying to dedicate myself to a healthier lifestyle. there is something that is making me tick just a little. yesterday a friends accused (and i am used the word accused because of the tone that she took) me of wanting a kid. i am in my late twenties and with no boyfriend so obviously no husband. she said it in such a way that made me feel ashamed even though i don’t want a kid. i just like spending time with them because they are happy and funny and give me a break from my normal life. but what i love best is that i can give them back to their parents who will pay the bills for the next 18+ years of junk. and that i am not ready for. plus, i love to stay out late.

i may come back more later today, i am just feeling a little scattered brain and need to really think about what i want to write. you know?

have i been blocked

msp340 — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:25:48 +0000

has someone blocked me on gchat?why did i think that that was something only girls would do. i guess a dude would do it too. wow. he hasnt been on if forever and now that seems to be the only thing that makes sense. does this mean that i should delete his number from my phone. it’s probably a good idea anyway. but it’s admitting that it is really and truly over and that is ever slightly disappointing.

on a totally different note. why when stores are having a sale do they call it a sale. they should call it a discount or something catchy. cause isn’t everything on sale anyway. just at different prices? think about it and get back to me.

what happened to my missed connections project? another lazy project.

party tonight in the neighborhood. i have been trying to be really careful recently to not over serve myself in these situations. i just have to say it about 100 times throughout the night. fingers crossed that it will work cause this is the first time when i think it could really be put to the test. will keep you posted. if there is a you.

back.

msp340 — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:32:38 +0000

i really didn’t mean to stop blogging. it was just that work got busy and suddenly, my day was done and the last thing that i wanted to do was continue sitting at a desk and using my fingers for something other than changing the channel on the remote (i was tired!).

anyway, i did find myself realy missing gettin gmy thoughts and ideas down somewhere so i have returned to make progress and try to stay dedicated to this thing.

the dude that was once the dude is no longer the dude. unless its lebowski. he is forever the dude. just not my dude. ok enough.

i was in somewhat of a haze after that so ended on such a weird note. but i am picking up the minor pieces that fell to the sidelines and putting myself out there again. will keep posted. my moms bookclub member is already setting me up with someone. yikes.

missed connections

msp340 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:07:36 +0000

what if i posted a missed connection everyday? this is soemthing that i am toying with. create seperate blog that just shows everydays missed connection. they wouldn’t have to be romantic, more along the lines of me finding someone who i think needs a pat on the back, a way to go, or a you’re cute if they cross my path. just something to think about.

msp340 — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:50:41 +0000

two nights in a row of us open. which also meants two nights in a row of an hour ride home after tennis, which means in bed at 1 am.

all of this adds up to the fact that i am going to be faking work today. i will be somewhat ok if i just sit at my desk and read the pioneer woman blog and nytimes articles, while every now and then skimming facebook. maybe do a little bit of work but not much.

if the weather hadn’t so quickly turned here into full on fall, i might have even taken a walk to pick up my new booties that i saw at zara last night. but most likely i won’t.

i now down to my blog thoughts for the day. about two weeks ago, my newly single friend was feeling hot and bothered in her tiny apartment and decided to opt out of watching project runway (the season premiere!) and go get herself a drink at a local bar instead. this friend of mine did recently get out of a 5 year relationship and has been miling it for all its worth, refusing to see movies cause it is too hard, making me check her hair part for fly aways before going out one night, the whole deal. and because i along with a few others, are good people, have induldged her, played along, rub her back and told her that she was going to find someone better. and that i do beleive is the gods honest truth, she will.

so she went out on the night of project runway with a friend and met a drunk but seemingly fine guy. well being the level of drunkness of on a school night could have been a red flag, but who hasn’t been there? so she passed along her phone number and he called. date was set for the following week and all was right with the world. in the meantime, saturday night came and we all decided to have a low key night in the hood, grab a drink and catch up. one drink led to three and we decided to go to another local bar, the exact same bar where my friend had met the drunk but seemingly nice dude.

we were dressed cute and the place was crowded. i started chatting with a dude standing to my left, just basically shooting the shit. as i asked him has nice i saw from the corner of my right eye, my friend with the date this week starting to shrink away, forcing another friend along with her. quickly i grab ahold to the fact that this was her date. this dude was the drunk dude from the other night. what had potential for turning into a painfully weird situation was quickly averted. my friend decided that she wanted us to stay to scope him out and she would leave. it was late anyway and we were planning on staying much longer.

we chatted a little longer, met his friends who were the stars of the group and ended up laughing about the whole situation on the way home.the only thing is that i could not help thinking that i was much better suited for this dude that my newly single friend. is that totally wrong of me? i gave him the cold shoulder cause who i am to flirt with my friends dude. but the thought did linger.

their date was last week. it wasn’t anything special and i am pretty sure that they won’t see each other again.

and then i saw him on the subway this morning. i kept my head down, averted all eye contact. and i won’t do anything even if i were to see him again. but i couldn’t help thinking would it be so wrong if i did?